


Mathematically Impossible

by Judyku



Category: Firefly
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-23
Updated: 2017-02-18
Packaged: 2018-09-19 13:07:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9441941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Judyku/pseuds/Judyku
Summary: Mal, River, desert island. Basically an excuse to write smutty banter without much of a plot, but I shall do my best.





	1. Crash, Boom

**Author's Note:**

> Everybody always uses either a slayer to describe River Tam, but I can't help thinking she's more than that. I've recently introduced my granda to Jessica Alba's Dark Angel series, and there is a character in it called Brain. Brain was a heuristics X5, and very, very much like River, so I got to thinking. River Tam is an X5. Could be there's a fic in there somewhere. Maybe the S1W was the underground movement who helped get River out of the new Manticore. Maybe Alec was to be River's breeding partner instead of Max, but who knows?!

Title: Mathematically Impossible

Author: Me

Disclaimer: I own nixies.

Notes: Everybody gets a happy ending in many Firefly stories. Hell, even Serenity herself gets a happy ending. What about Miranda, huh? Do you ever think about Miranda? No, because you only think of yourself...

 

Xxxx

 

Pain.

That was he felt.

Pain bad enough to twist and contort his body into the unnatural, pulling at his spine until he arched and roared with it. Muscle and tendon and sinew nipped and pulled into a stretch that tore through his left ankle, forcing his fist to slam down onto the metal floor. He could smell the smoke from the fuel cells, knew they were on fire, and he had to get up, and get up now before it blew.

His head throbbed to the point where his vision blurred ten ways from Sunday, and his gut churned, the heaving turned him over onto his side just in time for the bile to come up. Mal pushed himself onto his knees and yarked again and again, his throat scraped raw and lungs burned from the stench of high octane fuel on fire. Even with a partially open shuttle door, the smell was vile.

He pounded his chest to get it all up and out of his chest, wiped his mouth on his sleeve and tried to breathe through his mouth. Not that it made any difference. Chemicals smelled and tasted just the same no matter which hole they were inhaled through.

River.

Oh  _ fuck. _

River.

“Ri’er?” Lithe legs capped in soft black boots swam into his point of view, and Mal scrambled round, uncaring of vomit on his britches. 

He could just about see her body behind the crates of cargo, her lithe legs capped in black boots bent out from behind them, her pale skin littered with the start of some mighty fine bruising. 

_ No, no. Don’t you do this to me, darlin’. Don’t you ruttin’ dare do this to me. _ Mal choked and coughed through a crawl that got him to her side, his lungs on damned fire and body felt like it had gone through twenty rounds with a cracked up Jayne. 

“Riv…” Her name turned into another rib smashing cough that saw globs of black phlegm drop onto the shuttle floor. “River, darlin’. Witch. Gotta wake up for me, you hear?”

The crates felt like lead as he shoved them off of her, the rise and fall of her chest gave way to a crushing relief that threatened to push tears out of his eyes. Her body was soft and deceptively strong under his hands as he checked for injuries and broken bones, but thankfully found nothing bar the visible ones. That was good. That was very, very good. Nothing internal.

At least, he hoped so.

Her face was beautiful even covered in dirt and grime, debris knotted into her messy waves and blood from her nose trailed a terrifying line down to her left ear. At least it wasn’t clear. Clear bodily liquid meant brain fluid, and blood was not brain fluid.

Adrenalin rushed through him, made his heart and pulse skyrocket and his hands shook on her shoulders.

A strong waft of ten octane fuel smoke wisped past his face, and Mal felt his head swim and inflate with air, and he rose with it. To the clouds, with everything waltzing and spinning until a strong whiff of chemical punctured through the high, and he turned his head to heave.

_ All the gorram mechanics in the ‘verse, and not a one of them could make chocolate fuel? Useless. _

Pulled the strands of hair away from her mouth and leaned down, the hodgeberry lip gloss and minty ice planet like heaven scent. The stillness of her lips scratched his heart with icy precision, clawed through each ventricle, and left glaciers running through his veins, but he didn’t stop. Could not, would not, give up. Not while there was still breath in his body.

River’s body jerked once, twice, chest pushed up into his, and Mal moved to get her onto her side as she coughed and yarked her own self. Her gasps were loud, raw, almost grating in pitch, but he didn’t give a damn. She was there and she was alive, and he was alive.

“Tha’ssit, that’s my girl.” Rubbed her back and kept her hair away from her face, felt the heat radiate from her skin like nuclear blasts sent out with every tremble and quake.

Didn’t know or care how long he was like that, only cared when it was time to wipe her mouth with his coat, cupped and touched her face soon after. Fingers smudged dust and dirt all over her face as he grasped at her, almost desperate in his whirling need to feel her, alive, in his hands.

River’s caramel eyes were saucer wide when she looked at him, shock and pout mixed into an expression of utter disdain. “I broke a nail.”

Mal couldn’t help it. Head rolled back, eyes squeezed shut, hands on knees, and laughed his fucking ass clean off. It was her, and she was good, alive, and it was just so damned River Tam to overlook the obvious and zero in on a matter that didn’t mean a damned thing.

Xxxx

The air was full of fresh ocean and there was the most beautiful damned breeze that washed over his face, the particles of salt made his cuts sting like a sonofabitch. Mal gulped in as much of the stuff as humanly possible, feeling it clear his head and lungs free of the toxic fumes currently making his vision swim and turn in two different circles. His stomach churned, but there was nothing left to bring up except bile.

River had collapsed onto her stomach not too far away, her body half sinking into the same boiling hot sand that scorched his hands. She would have a fair few bruises on her legs by the look of things, and he figured he wouldn’t be too far behind in that respect, but bruises healed and death didn’t, so he could handle that. Her wheezing was loud as she sucked in the same deliciously salted air, taking as much into her poisoned lungs as possible before she stuck her fingers down her throat to bring up blackness.

Mal made it to her side, sand cushioned his total collapse as the fresh air slowly washed away the monoxide and cleared the brainpan of the human need to fuck following a near death experience. His gaze flicked to just behind them, to the shuttle and a sky so damned blue, it hurt to look. 

The shuttle was totalled and no other ways about it. Half on its side, the nose and left dug down into the sand, black smoke rose up and out of three different places, with small flicks of flame just to top it off. They would have to put that fire out or the shuttle would explode, taking with it anything inside that would be of use. Such as the water tank, the emergency medkit, and whatever else they had hidden in away in there.

Mal knew what had to be done, but he also knew he was blinking too long and too much. Had to get up before he couldn’t, and he left her on her own.

“On three?” River mouthed.

“One, two, three…” They sat and he immediately reached out, her cheek soft and clammy warm against his fingers. “Darlin’. River. Witch.”

“You broke my fall. Saved me. Jayne’s old grenade box broke yours.”

He managed a snort. “The one with the…”

River’s face scrunched up into a nod of pained sympathy. “Sorry.” 

Each and every breath was sharp to the point they stabbed his lungs, but it was worth it to hear his own voice. Meant he weren’t yet knocking at the gates of hell. “Remind me to have a chat with that man when we get back. With my gun.”

“I can kill him with my brain. Save bullets.” Her button nose wrinkled. “And my sense of smell.”

“My sense of smell is full of octane,” Mal thumped his chest as he stained the sand with more black phlegm.

“M’okay. My body. It breaks down any foreign substances.” Slender shoulders shrugged at his look. “Sand’s too hot. Gotta be brave now or we’ll melt.

He sighed and looked her, brain absorbed everything about her in that moment. How the sky set behind her, sand almost white even against her creamhoney skin. “Gonna hurt, ain’t it?”

“A lot.”

“Great. Shiny. Let’s get this over with. Plan?”

“My upper body strength isn’t adequate to lift you. Need you to get up on your feet. Can you do that for me?”

Mal tested first his right foot and didn’t find it to be overly troublesome. The left foot, however, was a different story. He glanced down at the foot in question and gave it a gentle nudge. “Enough testin’.”

River’s arm slid under his back and right arm, while placing his left arm around her shoulders, adjusting until she deemed her grip acceptable. “On three?”

“On three… One, two,” he grit his teeth. “Three…”

White tore his foot clean through.

A brilliant, blinding white hot pain shot lightning fast from ankle to the back of his knee, his muscles cramped to where he felt his toes pull and curl in his boot. Tendon or ligament, one of them had taken a fair amount of damage, and wasn’t that just what they needed?

“Ri’er? Ri’er? W’er you?” Mal wasn’t sure if his eyes were rolling or if it was the planet itself. Either way, everything went sideways and upside down at the same time.

Her distorted face came into view and he clasped her ears to hold her long enough for his vision to stop riding the gorram rollercoaster. “If y’ain’t the prettiest damn thing…”

Her mouth was pinched into a tight line, little fingers grasped his shoulders to keep him still. “Celebratory embrace can wait. Need to fix your foot. Try not to move.”

“Don’t you worry on that, darlin’. I’ve a notion to stay right where I am. Maybe pass out for a spell.” Mal let his pounding head flop back into the cushion of the crunchy leaves as he listened to her run back toward the shuttle.

He put all his weight onto his elbows and eased himself up off his side, the wracking cough rattled his chest good and proper. He glanced to see his lil witch hurrying back towards him, her brother’s medkit in her arms and water canister balanced on top of it and held in place by her chin.

River flopped down to her knees next to him, her new dress now a mix of sand and smoke. “Your talus remains intact,” a flash of smile. “You have contusions and edema caused by disruption to your Anterior talofibular ligament. Recommended dose of Hydrozepam is fifteen milligrams. We have enough for twelve doses, twenty-four with extensive rationing. I suggest full dose for treatment.”

“I’m of a mind to agree,” he nodded, and the hypo-gun hissed as she pressed it to his neck. He took the opportunity to bring her hand to his mouth. “I’m also of a mind to give you some cashy money for new dresses. Somethin’ pretty-like.”

“Give you a fashion show,” she smiled. “Tell me when.”

Mal coughed out a laugh. “I can see no cause for complaint in that, lil Witch. We get off this hunk of  _ fei-oo _ ? I’ll take you shoppin’ my own self.”

“It’s not  _ fei-oo _ .”

“Well, whatever it is, it’s… Ooh… Unicorns. Tiny ones. Could put ‘em in my pocket...” Mal watched the bitty ones float and dance against a background of crystal clear azure, their sweet little neighs and tiny wings a symphony of cuteness.

River laughed. “I think the Hydrozepam is taking effect. Can you feel this?”

A lil pink one flew right close to his head and he tried to give his best, most non-threatening smile. “Hello there, lil horsey. You’re the prettiest of the bunch… No, wait. You are. Yes, you are!”

“I’ll presume that’s negative. I’m removing your footwear.”

The unicorns froze in mid-air. “Feelin’ that… Feelin’ that…  _ Feelin’. That _ .”

His teeth ground and creaked when she straightened his foot in a manner that brought the sting of tears to his eyes. The pressure of his boot sliding over swelling made it seem like his foot was being squashed from the inside out. It was gone and the beautiful breeze swept across his heated flesh, relief from that windy lil kiss almost as good as anything he’d ever felt.

“Better?”

“Much,” Mal relaxed a moment and took a heavy breath. “You ain’t done yet, are you?”

“Need you to stay still until I come back. Can you do that for me?”

_ Can’t do much else now, can I? _

He heard the smile in her reply. “I can hear you with my brain.”

Mal closed his eyes and made a cross over his heart. “My word’s as good as the day is long, darlin’. I’ll keep to this here fine spot.”

Running footsteps were the reply this time, and again there he lay, with visions of lil unicorns dancing behind his eyelids like lil singing fairies. Cartoons, that’s what they were. Dancey, singy cartoonies that floated about on the wind in a shiny rainbow of flying horseys.

It was mighty relaxing in all truth, just watching their lil wingsies go flap-flap while the shiny warm sun tickled his toes.

Running footsteps came to a stop, followed by a soft thump, a pause, and then a long-suffering huff that was more than a little pissed off.

“Kindly remove the unicorns.”

Mal unglued his eyelids in order to stare at her. “You see them too?”

River’s face was a fearsome sight, complete with narrowed eyes and possible hissing.

“Ohhhh.  _ Riiiight _ ,” he clacked his tongue. “Reader. Can’t speak as to why you don’t like unicorns. Don’t every girl like ‘em?”

Growl.

“Alright. Fine. You want the horseys gone? Off they go. You’re a mean lil witch, you know that? Should a have an ugly wart right…” Mal tried to focus on her through his hazy gaze, watched her brown eyes cross as she followed his circling finger until it touched the tip of her nose. “There.”

River batted his finger away. “You’ve got issues.”

“I’m the captain. My issues is captai…” Ice put paid to his words. Beautiful, sweet icy cold water enveloped his swollen foot, and more kept coming with each wrap of soaking wet bandage. The radiating heat and pulsing swelling almost sizzled and steamed from the sweet relief.

“We get off this hunk o’ rock, I’mma takin’ you to the Preacher’s bunk an’ marryin’ you ten ways from Sunday.” Mal chuckled and reached down to stroke her face, his thumb tugging on her plump lower lip until that smile returned. The bright one, the one that flashed all her teeth and turned her cheeks to apples. The one that made her brown eyes look like melted caramel or fudge.

“S’ pretty,” his mouth curved into a lopsided grin.

“Me or the unicorns?”

“Only mean lil witches make a man choose ‘tween unicorns and pretty girls.”

“This mean lil witch is all done. Get some rest.”

“S’ work to do.” Never had anyone play with his hair before. It was nice how it felt. Like little prickles, but nice ones that made his fingers feel warm and tingly. Heard himself hum in response and tried to open his eyes, but they weren’t going anywhere.


	2. Day 2...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yetis, and ankles, and shelters oh my!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so everyone knows, I did in fact research how to survive a desert island scenario, and as such, I'd like to thank Tom Mcelroy from Wild Survival, Primitive Technology, and Survival Lily on Youtube. I now feel fully capable of at least lasting six hours in the wild without bursting into tears.

Title: Mathematically Impossible chapter 2

Author: Me.

Disclaimer: I own nixies.

Notes: Soundtrack for this chapter is Rebel, Rebel by David Bowie.

Xxxx

 

Day 1/Chapter 2…

 

_He settled back onto his bed, mattress perfectly firm and comfortable, with just the right amount of support for his back, his own blankets draped over his legs, a glass of fermented engine wine in one hand and Coleridge in the other. His crew in their own bunks, warm and safe, while the song of his boat hummed out a heartbeat of low vibrations that settled the metal, and it truly was the sweetest tune in the ‘verse._

_Yep, Mal beamed and sipped his engine wine, his thumb flicked open to Rime of the Ancient Mariner. Life could be mighty good at times, and they could all stand a little more of this and a lot less of the other._

_He raised his glass ready for another sip when the surface rippled, and he brought it up for closer inspection. His gaze tracked the drop that disturbed the surface of his wine, his frown deepening as a third one hit._

_Mal glanced up at the ceiling, but couldn’t see anything that could give cause to a leak._

_Drip._

_The noise made him look back at his engine wine as another drop fell._

_Then another._

_And another._

_The hell…_

_He flipped his sheets back and rose onto his knees to check around his bed. The pipes were old, so it stood to reason there would be a leak or two. A word with lil Kaylee and Wash needed to be had afore this leak turned into a shower. Still, it didn’t appear to be such an emergency that couldn’t wait for a decent hour, and so back to snuggling in his warm and toasty bed._

_Drip. Drip. Drip._

_He scowled, legs slung over the edge of his bed and he turned, coming face to face with an honest to hell yeti. Long, straggly dark hair and scrawny arms made of pale, wet flesh that reached out to him with hands of claws._

_“Wake up!”_

The yeti’s teeth made Mal jump awake, eyes wide and brain still in the clouds, meanwhile two icy wet hands came down into his field of vision and bodily hauled him to his feet. Those dripping hands grabbed his shirt and shook him once, twice, three times, to the accompanying tune of the voice belonging to one pissed off River Tam.

“Wake up! Wake up! _WAKE! UP!_ ”

A sharp yank on his clothes had him eye level with viper slits for eyes framed by strands of soaking wet hair. A snarl came from parted lips that flashed a set of gritted teeth and he swallowed.

It was River, and she looked like a drowned rat.

She also screamed like a drowned rat, too, and one of those little hands pulled back into a fist ready to be thrown at his head at a moment’s notice.

Mal raised his hands in surrender. “I’m awake, and you’re… Why are you so wet?”

Pain rang in his right ear where her chipped nails grabbed, and in order to keep his ear firmly on his head, he willingly followed where she lead. Which, funnily enough, was away from the shuttle and the rising…

Tide.

“Ow! Ow! Ow!” A foot square up his ass had him face down in the sand before he could blink.

“I AM NOT A YETI!”

Mal tried to crawl away from the angry female, but she caught him, and flipped him onto his back, face once again millimeters from his.

“I’m soaking wet!” They were nose to nose. “Comprehend?”

Mal laughed a little. “Tide been comin’ in long?”

Snarl.

“Guess so. Sorry about that,” smile, smile. “Tend to sleep like the dead after a shuttle crash.”

Hiss.

“Right, right. You were in it, too. You’re a mighty fine, none-yeti lookin’ woman. Really. There could be romance in our future. As a matter of fact, I’m all ready get on bended knee here!”

Growl.

“Alright, alright!” Mal cowered behind his hands and a shrugged shoulder . “Message received. Not a yeti!”

Suspicion clouded River’s face, but at least she’d put a lid on that powerful rage she had there. Kinda adorable as a matter of fact, seeing such a lil woman like her pack a punch like that. He hadn’t even known a thing before he kissed beach, and if that weren’t all kinds of enticing, he didn’t know what was.

“Adorable?” Her fingers flexed around his shirt collar.

“Like one of those lil barn kitties I had as a boy way back on Shadow,” Mal smiled nice and easy. “I’d watch ‘em play all day as they chased after the mice an’ rats.”

“Barn kitty?” Those fingers eased up a little.

“That’s right!” He began to breathe just bit easier. “Nice lil kitties they were, too. Coupla silver ones with lil black tiger stripes on their sweet lil kitty faces. Orange ones, lil black one, an’ one big ol’ great ball o’ fluff. They were all nice, good kitties. Didn’t try to kill their captains for over sleepin’.”

“Wasn’t trying to kill you, Malcolm.” River looked as wicked as a woman could humanly get as she popped his shirt buttons open to expose his chest.

He had less than a second of realisation before his entire body upped and jerked, stabbed by a thousand of icy needles slithering down his hot skin. He shrieked like a six year old, the water like lightning cold as it trickled down into his britches and splashed his gorram balls. It was a cruel and unusual punishment, really. One that deserved a fair amount of payback.

River bent her neck and shook all that yeti hair right over his face and neck, all the while laughing her gorram titties off, her distraction all the opportunity he needed. Mal managed to free his arms from under her knees, easily rolling the cunning shrew onto her back, his fingers going straight for the place centre of the ribs. The universal place where only dirty fighters took advantage of. The place that was off limits to the human race as a whole.

He attacked both sides with all four fingers and two thumbs, her screech like music to his icy ears and he dug in just that bit more to really get some payback. Her laughter was silent and tears streaked out the corner of her eyes, but he didn’t give up.

“How’s this for you, Yeti?” Mal squirrelled his digits up and down, wiggling the damn outta them. His ankle ached and ligament felt like it was about to snap, but it was worth every damned twang of pain.

River’s hair was a tangled mess, her hands gripped her stomach as her body heaved with gasps and silent laughter. Sand stuck to every part of her, from hair to arms and legs, her dress would need a drying out, and her face was redder than his shirt.

The hell if she weren’t the prettiest damn yeti he’d ever laid eyes on.

“That’s what you get, Witch.” He made a show of deep thought before he attacked once more, her shock came out at an ear piercing decibel, but worth it. So damn worth it to see her shine.

“Enough!” River gulped, eyes bright, and hands on his arms, the tide now high enough to reach them. “Truce?”

“Truce,” Mal caught his breath and eased onto his good foot, shivering when a single trickle of water slid down his warm leg.

She gracefully got to her own feet, and tried to get rid of the sand and beach debris, but it was no use. Her dress had to be rinsed off proper and dried, something which shouldn’t take too long in the current heat.

She grabbed the hem and pulled that thing clean off, no sense of modesty or shame, the boldness of it made him exhale through lips pursed in appreciation. The hell, but she was enough to make a man’s heart pop, all lean and softly curved with dancer muscle and the strength of a gymnast turned ballerina all wrapped in beautifully pale cream flesh.

“My coat,” Mal croaked as he turned away a little too slowly. “Down by the fire. You go put it on while I wash your dress. Should do till you dry.”

“I owe you two,” River spun on her tiptoes and darted off, naked, to get his coat, her rear all round and pert.

Mal waited until she got out of earshot before he plucked the stupid dress off the beach. “Gorram readers!”

 

Xxxx

 

The sun hadn’t even reached its zenith, and Mal felt like he was dying of heat. Not a single cloud had been seen the whole morning or whatever it was, and the hotter it got, the more frustrated he became with just about everything. Sweat poured off him and he used his long discarded shirt to wipe it off before hobbling back to tide’s edge and soaking it. The water was much warmer now, but still colder than the sun, and he swore his skin sizzled and hissed as he draped his shirt over his burning shoulders.

The sky was so damn blue that it got harder to look at as the day wore on and the sand felt like lava under his feet. He could only wear one boot since the bandage made his other too big. Would probably have to cut them down some in order to stop his soles from vapourising or something.

Throw on top of that River being the one who had to pull more than her fair share to salvage stuff out of the shuttle while he struggled to carry so much as four water canisters. Still, he refused to just sit and be a _xi niao bei be shiou ren_ the whole time. Not only was it not fair to her, but damn it, he was the man. Was supposed to be his job.

She’d joked on it last night, but he could read between the lines. She was worried she’d scare him with whatever it was burning up her brain. He wanted her to know that she could trust in him not to flinch or cower, that she could come to him.

 _Shoulda told her sooner. Doc'd fuss somethin' fierce, an' Kaylee'd end up sobbin' for weeks to come. Shoulda told her. I'll do better by her._  Mal wiped his face with the sleeve of his shirt and sighed as River appeared from the shuttle, her face scrunched up as she struggled to walk through the tide. One parachute on her back, one over each arm, and the fourth in her hands.

No, it was more than struggle. It was pain, and by the way her body was starting to lean some, he’d say her lower back and pelvis were both taking the brunt. She hadn’t done much physical work on the ship now that he thought on it, and it was to her detriment. It was that thought which saw him to his feet and push his own aches away as he looked around for a branch. There was one a few feet away and he went as fast as he could, snatching it up and hobbling down to meet River halfway.

“Should be resting,” her face was pinched and lips pulled into a thin, tight line.

“I’ll take half,” Mal didn’t wait for her to deny and slung the chute over his left shoulder before he took the one off her right. “Have to get out of this heat, darlin’ lest we both collapse an’ chances are we ain’t wakin’ up.”

“I know,” her smile was weak, but there, and that was everything.

“Come on. Gotta find a clearing in this place. Shouldn’t need to go too far. Ready?”

River put her hands on the back of her hips, fingers rubbing a set of undoubtedly sore and overworked muscles. “Have to be.”

He nodded. “That’s my girl. Plan. We leave what ain’t necessary here in the shade. Come back later at sun down. Meanwhile, we…”

“Make shelter, have water, food, and rest,” she huffed out as she adjusted one of the chutes. “In that order.”

Mal earned himself another smile when he tugged her lower lip before they slowly waded through the shallows. Weren’t a moment too soon when they reached their small patch of shade, and River basically pooled at his feet.

“So hot…” She leaned back against nearest tree.

He was quick to drop his cargo and snagged one of the water canisters up, and sitting next to her on the dry forest floor. “Take as much as you need, darlin’. Five minutes for inventory then we move out.”

“Only need three,” River took a good few gulps before she passed it back. “One chute can be torn into four. Take one, leave the others. Medkit contains four hypodermic needles, one hypo-gun, twenty-three doses of Hydrozepam…”

“Twenty-two,” Mal corrected after a good drink. “You’re takin’ one first opportunity. Ain’t havin’ you with no aches an’ pains, lil Witch.”

“Not what you think. Have some atrophy in my gluteal muscles. Need to perform more posterior pelvic elevations.” She took the water back for another drink. “One chute, protein bars, rope, Jayne’s machete, and medkit.”

“Did you just say your buttocks are weak?” She nodded and he opened his mouth to speak, but thought better on it. “Never mind. Fireproof blankets, medkit, protein bars, water, and machete.”

River massaged her temples for a moment. “Agreed on the protein bars, water, machete, and medkit. Enough room in the medkit for the protein bars. Frees up my hands for the parachute.”

Mal shook his head. “Two each an’ one between us. Medkit between us, you the protein bars and water. I’ll carry the machete and blankets.”

“‘Kay,” she tried to smile. “Too tired to argue. Go, shelter, rest. Come back for rest.”

“I know, darlin’. Me too. Gotta keep movin’, you hear? The crew’ll laugh at us if we don’t last a day. Can spare a few minutes more if you need to. We ruttin’ lived.”

She fell against him, water canister forgotten as her hot skin seared right through his shirt. Sweat made her hands slip and slide over him, locking at the nape of his neck. Lips followed a second later, skimming and kissing as she pleased. “M’all sweaty, darlin’.”

River managed a laugh as she nuzzled tighter into him. “Smell good. Wood and ocean and firelight. Pheromones.”

Mal groaned. Always had a thing for bold, confident women. He pulled back, her sunwarmed lips all plump and pliable under his thumb. “Trouble is what you are. None but trouble.”

“Trouble finds you hot.”

He stole a nip from that lower pout of hers and forced himself to pull back, but the hot air did nothing to help. “Ain’t no use in pourin’ flattery on me. I’m wise to your charms, Witch. Up we go.”

She groaned. “But I don’t wanna.”

“We get back on the ship? We take a month to be as lazy as we please.”

“I know, I know. Gotta be brave and move out.” River let him go and looked mighty adorable with all her sulking.

Mal swished hair back from her damp, red face. “That’s my girl.”

The smile on her face nothing short of dazzling and she was on her feet first, hands held down for him to take. “This way, Just Malcolm.”

“I’ll take your word on that.”

 

Xxxx

 

The deeper they walked into the dense forest of the island, the more the sun was blocked, but the cover did nothing for the air that was thick and hot. Each breath was akin to inhaling warm steam, and it enhanced the smell of the surroundings.

The hard and dry soil, dry leaves, greenery, and bamboo all combined with a heady floral aroma that reminded him of the Sweet Orchids his ma grew back home. Somewhere between sandalwood and tuberose, the fragrance was always top note sweet and bottom note wood. Inhaling the aroma now made his heart ache as it always did when Shadow swept through his mind.

Mal swallowed it down and focused on the here and now, made sure to watch their every step just in case something or someone jumped out to tear them through. She said there was no life here, but that might not extend to the likes of spiders, snakes, and other creatures that had a mind to poison with a single bite.

“Nothing here,” she reassured again, breathless and cramping if her physical signs were anything to go by.

“Still…” He looked all around, saw nothing but forest and more forest. Never knew what lay hidden amongst the dead leaves and twigs.

They hadn’t strode far from the base, of that he was sure of, but seemed to be a decent enough area to set up a good sort of camp. Tall trees provided thick cover in the form of a mix from palm to chestnut, which also provided a fair choice for shelter materials and food. Coconuts, roasted chestnuts, and with a bit of luck, fish in that ocean back there. Chances for not only survival went up, but also chances of a happy survival given they didn’t get reckless.

River kicked a rock out of her way, then stopped for a moment to catch her breath. “Another minute this way.”

Mal nodded and he was off following her once more, his eyes forced to look everywhere bar that lil derriere continually flirted with by her damned dress. Matters weren’t helped much by the heat that made his neck itch in a very familiar way. First thing back on his boat? He was burning that thing right to ashes.

“Here…”

The clearing River found was decent enough. Densely covered, but with a smattering of sunlight still making it through the leaves, a good layer of dried foliage that would make for good bedding as insulating as it was comfortable. Roomy, too. Enough room for a good sized A-style shelter that would fit the pair of them nice, and combined with the short distance from the beach, the spot made for easy reach when the crew found them, and they would be found. Of that he had no doubt at all, and he very much planned on them both being alive when his boat got here.

“Agreed,” Mal was the first to drop, and drop he did. Straight down in front of the nearest tree, his entire leg throbbed something fierce with the main bolt of pain at the back of his knee.

She was right there in front him, out of breath and fumbling with the water canister, holding it to his lips. “Drink.”

He didn’t need no telling twice, and he drank like they were in the hot place, gulping back every cool drop of water that he could until there weren’t no more. “Aw, hell, Witch…”

“We have enough, Malcolm,” her smile was everything exhausted as she grabbed the second canister, doing pretty much the same thing as he did. “Jayne’s black windbreaker can make us more if the need arises.”

Quiet laughter turned into a rasping cough that left a razor sharp pain in his chest, and he looked at her. “You’re just full of tips an’ tricks, aren’t ya?”

“Smart, remember?” River tapped the side of her head.

“So I noticed,” he cracked a wink. “Got to find somethin’ to keep occupied while we’re here. Things that don’t involve you runnin’ off to explore the hell knows what. You go where I go, understand? I ain’t havin’ where I can’t see you.”

“You’re still the leader with more experience than I, so I’ll defer to your wishes.” She nodded, then a sly smile lit up her pretty features. “No shortage of amusement to be had.”

Mal scowled again. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Your delicate sensibilities are too fragile in your current frame of mind for me to expand...”

“Delicate sensibilities?!” He yelled, sitting up to stare at her, the insult hitting him with the force of his own gorram ship. “My sensibilities are not… I ain’t delicate!”

A long-suffering sigh came from her oh so sympathetic face as she looked at him through long lashes. “You’ll be the first man I ever see naked.”

 

Xxxx

 

_You’ll be the first man I ever see naked._

Mal wove the palm horizontally through the branches in just the way she showed him, smoothing the leaves down until they overlapped the ones before. It had sounded overly fancy and unnecessary at first, a waste of time even, but on realising it would provide better insulation against cold and rain, he was more than happy to spend a bit extra effort to do as she said. Would last longer, too, she explained, and though he could have well done without the descriptives of spores and fungus, he was grateful for it. Anything to do with survival wasn’t to be frowned upon or sniffed at, and he’d lucked out being stranded with a woman whose IQ was a damn sight higher than most.

Behind him, River tore another piece of palm into two, even as agony wrote pages across her entire face and body. 

She was right.

So help him she was right.

Didn’t matter none that there was an oddness between them that only had one end, that being here was only speeding up the process somewhat. The fact that he would be the first man she ever saw wholly naked was enough to scare a man right out of his wits, and he didn’t have all that much left to spare as it was.

He’d already seen her naked once, and she’d been out cold at the time, which meant he hadn’t peeked. Okay, so maybe he had peeked, but only a little, and only at her legs. And possibly her rear, though that couldn’t be helped given the fact the position she’d been in when he’d kicked that Cryobox wide open.

_You’ll be the first man I ever see naked._

She was older than she’d been back then, and more’s the case she had some semblance of control over her faculties. At least more so these days now that they’d managed to convince her it wasn’t a trick, that it wasn’t some big and elaborate test, that she had been rescued.

He closed his eyes against the memories of those first few days, how her entire being seemed to freeze from the inside out every time either he or Jayne or Zoe entered the room. She would just stand there forcing herself to be as still, as silent, as possible, her fists clenched tight by her sides in wait to be punished for breaking the rules. It had been her eyes, though, that broke his heart.

Big doe eyes glistened brightly with a stark, cold terror that had no place at all on the face of anyone, much less a young adult girl. Yet, by a force of sheer will that took his breath away, River Tam fought back against everything they’d done to her and turned terror into a weapon big enough to split the Alliance right down the middle. One little girl had done what thousands upon thousands of soldiers had failed to do, and Mal wanted to kneel at her feet for it.

River’s snort drew his attention. “If I wasn’t convinced before, I am now,” her face scrunched up as she tore another thin palm branch down the middle to separate the leaves. “I’m not adverse to the kneeling.”

“You got a smutty mind,” Mal rolled his eyes as he took the offered piece of palm and repeated his motions. Only a few more to go and they could get in there.

“My first conclusion was not a border world baron transporting innocent concubines.” She paused, head tilted. “I need to confiscate your reading material.”

“Ha ha. Done here.” He flattened the thin leaves down over the others and stepped back far enough to rest his hands on his thighs before he moved to the other side. Hell only knew what she felt like given she’d done the majority of gathering the materials they needed to build their shelter.

_You’ll be the first man I ever see naked._

_"Tell me again I’m mathematically impossible.” He grinned and turned to her, his britches hanging from his forefinger._

River’s sudden and loud screech shocked the ever holy hell right out of him. He jumped out of his damned skin, foot landed on the machete hilt and forced the blade into a diagonal aim for his other foot. She staggered and only just managed to save him from a severe case of self-mutilation.

“ _Mei yong ma duh tse gu yong!_ ” Mal gasped, wide eyed and staring at the trees as he tried to comprehend what in the hell just happened.

Muffled cussing came from under him, closely followed by the feel of two little hands pushing hard against his spine until he rolled off of her and got a face full of dirt in the process. He coughed his lungs out, fist slammed against the ground as it hurt to breathe and gasp at the same time and fearing for his damned life twice in as many days.

He made it first onto his back and then sat up, hands wiped away the remnants of dirt and dust from his face. It took a moment or two to put himself to rights after his mind decided to take leave of its senses and try to kill him. He gave his head a damn good shake and looked around for River, only to find her glaring hellfire and brimstone at him.

“That was unnecessary.”

His grin was weak, sheepish. “Could say below the belt.”

Caramel eyes rolled. “While I have a newfound appreciation for your virility, it’s still mathematically impossible.”

“I know there’s a compliment in there somewhere. Want to give a man a hand?”

River shot him a look. “Now who has the smutty mind?”

Mal scowled. “Help me up. No, no. I didn’t mean that.  … _ta ma de_ …”

“Would you like my aid in getting to your feet?”

“ _Yes!_ ”

“Why didn’t you just say that?”

His face fell into a flat glare, but held his hand out nonetheless, and tried his best to ignore the wicked gleam in her eyes as she eased him up onto his feet. Delicate little hands brushed him down of forest debris with soft sweeps that slid down his sweat soaked flesh. “Just one more side to do, darlin’. Then we can get out of this heat.”

“High magnitude A-class star, surface temperature 10,000 degrees Kelvin.” River explained, and let go of him. “About what?”

“That explains the heat.” Mal gave her a steady look. “We got one set of clothing a’piece. What do you say we do about that?”

She took a minute to pick up the palm, ready to lend him a hand so they could get out of the blistering temperature. “We both use this tonight, make a second shelter tomorrow. Keep clothing to gather and explore. Or I can make togas out of a chute, but that would mean one less resource at our disposal.”

“Disagree and agree. We stand to keep company in a mighty odd fashion an’ the crew’ll laugh at us. We get used to each other’s nethers, and make do. Besides, naked ain’t the worst thing to be.” Mal grunted, the work going much faster with the two of them on the one task, and soon, the shelter was finished.

He moved to join her, arm slung over her shoulder and pulled her to him, a kiss to the top of her head made her hair tickle his nose. Felt her lean into him in a way that said her back was in its own level of hell and aching like a sonofawhore.

“Would you look at that, darlin’. Our own house built with our own two hands.”

“It’s rent free.”

“That’s my girl. Always thinkin’ logical. We get the chute fixed up an’ we get get naked and pass out for a lengthy spell.” Mal chuckled and dropped another kiss onto her head, her skin scalding hot and muscles so tense, he saw them pull and flex. Being all careful-like, he circled his knuckles from base to centre spine until she moaned and all but flopped against him.

River’s voice was little more than an exhausted husk. “Take me to the Preacher’s bunk, Malcolm. _I doooo_.”

 


	3. Day 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little filler to get them talking about themselves :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter before their hard work and struggles to survive begin! I've done my best with research of yoga, Tantric yoga, and actual survival, so let's see how all of this stuff turns out over the next 12 chapters.

Title: Mathematically Impossible

Author: Me

Disclaimer: I own nixies.

Notes: Just a chatty filler before the hard really begins.

 

 _Day 2_ …

 

River sneezed herself awake. Had to count quickly, quietly _one for sorrow, two for joy, three for a girl._

_“Ain’t the mama supposed to know first?” Zoe’s full lips pulled into a wide smile. She was in the family way and heavily so, Wash beside her and seemingly undecided between his choices of abject terror and utter elation._

Now she had all the pieces and didn’t take her long to scramble them around, find the corners first, lay the frame. Start at the beginning and worked her way in as little Wash worked her way up to a good, strong heartbeat and yowling lungs that would keep them all awake. La di da.

The Captain would pretend to be furious and hiss and spit, like a boy trying to be mad at his big brother for waking him up, but he wouldn’t be. Not really. Never was with his crew. Well, sometimes and usually with Jayne, though it was to be expected with two Alpha Males living in such close quarters and very few outlets for their testosterone.

She looked at the sleeping man next to her, finding herself with an urge to wake him and break her Golden Rule of No Sharing Secrets. She wanted somebody to share this with, somebody to dance around the fire with and be joyful and shiny good and sweet. Except he wouldn’t take too kindly to being woken up, of course, and not for something she wouldn’t tell. Probably throw her in the ocean and feed her to the fish. If only Kaylee were here. Not Zoe, though. If she dragged Zoe into dancing around a fire, then everybody would know, and it was Zoe’s secret to share.

Being a Reader was just so not fair. Knew everything and couldn’t share any of it. Wasn’t right. _Serenity’s_ Secret Keeper. That’s what she was and that’s what she would stay.

Still, River mused as she sat up and twirled her hair, eyes on Malcolm. She could give him hope. Out of everything, he would love that the most she thought, and decided to drop a few subtle clues.

Mal’s breathing changed and she looked at him, a soft smile on her lips as she brushed through the short strands of dark hair, relished the way they tickled her palm. His face showed many stories, most would go untold, but they were there in his skin. Maybe she would draw him when they got back on the ship. Really show him how he looked to her, and to the rest of the crew. Especially the way his eyes reflected his smile long before he made it, or when he got his wires crossed in a confusion that was nothing short of adorable.

She liked it best, though, when he sat at his desk, hands locked behind his head, captainy things all done and dusted, and there was nothing more to do. When he took a moment’s peace to simply rest.

“I can hear you,” his eyes didn’t open, but he smiled nonetheless.

“I wish you could,” River sat and pulled her knees to her chest, chin on her arms as she watched him blink away the remnants of the sleep he desperately needed.

Mal quickly covered a yawn and scuffled that very same hair, making sure the chute gave at least the appearance of modesty as he sat up and reached for a water canister for a small drink. “Ain’t the same. You know that. How’s your back?”

“Better. Still need to work it off, though.” She rotated one ankle and then the other. “Sitting still is an invitation for pain.”

Felt his azure eyes regard her with a lazy curiosity. “You put a lot of belief in this…”

“Yoga,” River couldn’t keep from smiling. “I practise a variety. Mostly Ashtanga, Vinyasa, and Kundalini. Have to. So I can retain the ability to dance. The Tantra I use to walk through the world with confidence and contentment.”

“Huh,” was all he said for a moment, gaze still on her through the dark. “Sex, ain’t it?”

“That’s a minor aspect of Tantra, though it does increase the _quality_ of sex exponentially.”

“But you haven’t…” Something shifted in him a little. “You’re still…”

“A virgin? Yes.” She shrugged, unembarrassed. “The practice of Tantric yoga can be done solo. That doesn’t mean masturbation.”

“Didn’t think that for a minute.” Mal’s smile said different. “Inara. They do some such in that Guild of hers.”

Contempt pulled her lips asymmetrical. “How little they know. They use a type of Tantra that focuses on the sexual aspect of spirituality in order to encourage repeat custom through a higher quality of climax. That’s not Tantra. It’s emotional extortion! Shouldn’t be allowed. Like low fat peanut butter… Ooh. Peanut butter. On _toast_.”

Oh by the gods, she could almost taste that peanutty goodness sticking to the roof of her mouth and had an urge to scrub it off with her tongue. She let herself fantasize for a moment over a golden piece of toast, smothered in real butter, and caked from side to side in dark roast extra crunchy.

River gasped.

Oooh, _cake_ , and not just any cake, but _cheese_ _cake_.

Strawberry cheesecake made with a base of ginger cookies and more strawberry frosting.

Smooth laughter rumbled through the hut. “You ain’t dreamin’ on sex there, are you? Can’t say as I blame you. I could go for some my own self. With a coffee. Half a sugar, and a dash of milk. Wouldn’t even touch the gorram sides.”

River’s eyes grew wide at the thought of a good, strongly brewed cup of joe. “And a breakfast. With pancakes and potatoes.”

Mal groaned a half sob of desperation. “An’ eggs. Sunny side up. With mushrooms.”

Brown met blue, and the two simultaneously spoke. “And-and _bacon_.”

“Great. Now I’m hungry.” His chin dropped to his chest. “We get on my boat? We eat the crew out of house an’ home.”

“I’m actually drooling over food. How come it’s always us? It’s never Simon or Wash or Kaylee.” She wiped the corner of her mouth and sat back against the frame of the hut, legs stretching out as she sulked.

His head rapidly nodded. “I know, I know. An’ we don’t even ask for trouble. Well, maybe a little.”

She pinched thumb and forefinger together. “A very little,” and laughed when he did, only to almost jump out of her skin when he touched her.

Heat and texture of his palm enveloping her chilled ankle in a firm grip, thumb kneaded and massaged just the right spot. He had the hands of a working man and the fingers of a pianist or conjurer, and she knew he would make an excellent partner in that she could trust him to hold her steady.

“Like that?” His voice was a little quieter, a little smoother.

“Mmm,” River closed her eyes a moment to imagine those strong, sure hands strategically placed, raising her into a _Cambre Press_ or a _Presage_ . He had the build of a dancer, too. Taut, lean, shaped with sleek muscle and sinew carefully honed, and _oh_ . She could feel the strength in his grip as her feet left the floor, body rigid and light, bringing to life poetry and bittersweet heartbreak of _Giselle_.

“Penny for ‘em.”

His voice startled her and she almost jumped up straight, her face flushed with warmth at having been caught red handed and she blinked at him, her mouth dry and wordless.

Mal arched a brow, curiosity and intrigue his foremost emotions. “Where’d you go?”

“The Bolshoi theatre on Earth-that-was. _Giselle_ . I dislike the synopsis, but the music, the choreography, is exquisite. _Swan Lake_ is often lauded as one of Tchaikovsky’s greatest masterpieces, but Midsummer Night’s Dream is my favourite. I had my first sexual dream about Puck.”

River stopped and sucked in a sharp breath, eyes wide from disbelief that she’d just said that. She closed her eyes and wished with all her might for a nice, big hole in which to throw herself, never to be seen ever again. She hated her stupid brain, and it only got worse when she felt his hand shake around her ankle.

He had his left hand pressed tight against his mouth when she finally looked at him, azure eyes overly bright and teeth sinking into his knuckle. “I would be grateful if you never mentioned that _ever_.”

Mal cleared his throat, humour very much present in his voice. “Might take some doin’, Witch.”

“Well, try,” she huffed, her face on fire.

“Mine was about Mrs. Edgins,” a wistful smile appeared on his face. “I weren’t a fan of schoolin’, but that woman had a ways about her that made a boy take note. Introduced me to Coleridge.”

River twitched her brows. “Nothing so contagious as _enthusiasm_.”

His expression was deadpan, almost flat. “I doubt sexin’ was what he had in mind when he said that.”

“It fit,” a half smile appeared for a moment before she regarded him. “You would be a good partner to dance with. What I was thinking of. Before.”

“How do you suppose that?”

“These.” She traced between each of his fingers with one of her own, following the shape and contour of his hand as a whole, ending at his wrist. “You would do well with a lift, I think. A _Cambre Press_.”

“An’ what’s that when it’s at home?”

“You put your hands here and lift me.” River placed her hands in the right area of her lower back. “The work is all on me to hold. Lighter than air. Like Helium.”

“I conjure it’s mighty difficult thing to be done.” Mal pointed out. “You ever get to perform?”

“Only thrice. I was given the role of _Clara_ in the Nutcracker. Then I got boobs. 12 year old girls don’t come with a B-cup. Not old enough for the _Sugar Plum Fairy_ , and too much boob for _Clara_.” She sighed and held her meagre bosom. If only they hadn't appeared at all.

The disbelief was strong when he spoke. “They said that? That you had…” He shook his head. “Ridiculous.”

“Ballet is a very singular world. Worth every sacrifice, every unnatural arch of foot. Why I don’t like wearing shoes. They confine. Wrong support in the wrong places. Can’t go _en pointe_ for longer than five minutes.” River locked her ankles and stretched slowly, carefully, until his breath stopped and his stare came heavy, intense at the unnatural position of her calves. She just as carefully allowed her legs to relax.

Mal didn’t speak for a moment. “Where you should be, you know. On a stage somewhere. Not out in the black with a bunch of _hwen dans_ like me.”

“Disagree. Maybe this wasn’t my first choice, but the whole ‘verse is my stage now. I tap danced on Persephone, beat up Fanty and Mingo’s customers on Beaumonde, laid my feet in the snow on Helvetica.” She nudged him with her foot and cocked a smile at him. “Without that, I’d be on Osiris with knobbly toes and clicking ankles. You gave that to me when you opened the box. I like the fighting, the velocity of it. Momentum. Energy. You gave me back my _life_.”

Embarrassment rolled off him in waves as he massaged the nape of his neck. “Ain’t a thing, Witch.”

“You sheltered a girl you didn’t know. It’s a thing, Malcolm. It’s what you do.” River paused long enough to blink owlishly. “Border world barons a regular conclusion for you?”

His scowl reached eleven on a scale of one to ten. “Regular as your sex dreams about Puck.”

Her mouth dropped open as his implication of using her unwitting confession against her. “You wouldn’t…”  
  
Mal giggled. Actual and whole giggled. Maniacally, wickedly, and it made her nervous to an extreme. “Oh, I would, Witch. An’ make no mistake.”

“I’ll tell Zoe you ate her last piece of peach pie.” River threw right back, petulant as possible.

Yeah, that shut him right up, now, didn’t it? Ha.

He eyeballed her carefully, cooly, and held out his hand. “Truce?”

She shook, and perhaps she did have crossed fingers hidden behind her back, but he didn’t need to know that.

“Truce.”

 

Xxxx

 

_My first sexual dream about Puck._

Mal snorted back another chunk of laughter, the sound earning him a sharp prod to his right kidney from the demon woman walking next to him. He had such an urge that bordered on need to touch her somehow. An arm around her shoulder, even hold her hand, or something that gave him contact with her smooth skin. He didn’t, of course, as men like him had no business with good women like her, and she was a good woman.

Slightly off kilter and a mite unpredictable, sure, but she was through-and-through a _good woman_. Weren’t the type to play with a man’s heart or double cross or leave him for dead. She weren’t so much as a softened criminal let alone a hardened one. Certainly had an aptitude for fighting and the like, that couldn’t be denied, and yes, she did have blood on her hands, but not from the want to kill for the sake of killing.

Those she killed usually had it coming one way or another, like that seemingly fine fellow back on Persephone. Dressed up all gentle-like, with a top hat and walking stick, niceties to be had at every turn, and River turned green for a split second before she caved his throat in with well executed kick.

Mal was sure Badger was the only one she ever told as to why she did that, and for all his cajoling and coaxing, his reader never said a damned word. Made him petty jealous that she turned to the likes of Badger over her captain, but he let it be. River had her reasons for keeping quiet the way she did.

Badger gave her coin for what she did, and a fair amount of it, to be sure. To the tune of a thousand silver it was.

“It was the reward money.”

Her honeyed voice jolted him out of his reverie and he glanced at her sideways, unable to keep his hand off her lower back as he guided her towards the beach. “That fellow was a wanted man?”

Her head bobbed. “Some secrets aren’t to be told. Best left to rest in peace.”

Sometimes what she heard made his heart ache for her. A reader with no way to switch off or hold back the emotions, hearing folk day in and day out. That Academy needed to be blown out of the damned sky, and that was a fact.

Her trim waist was a perfect fit, Mal discovered, for his arm, and he tugged her close, dropped a kiss to the top of her head, her hair salted and tangled, skin slightly chilled. A momentary hesitation came and went before he licked his lips at the feel of a soft hand on his abdomen. Brought her tight to where her cheek lay just nice on his pectoral, her breath warm and wispy on his nipple, felt the ripple run through her on account of him.

“I have hope for you,” River tilted her head up to where he could see a sparkle in her brown eyes.

“That so?” He murmured, careful to walk down the small bank where forest turned to sand.

“I-I can’t say. Not mine to tell, but… Hope is there.” She paused. “Hope is _weird_.”

“Oh. Well, thanks for the hope.” Intrigue combined with humour lit his voice until the salt washed over his face on a breeze, and his eyes closed, a heavy groan of sheer pleasure came from his throat. As hellish as this place was, it was also a damned dream. Be a good place to come visit once in awhile.

That is if they ever got off the damned thing alive, of course.

“It would and we will. Crew could have a rest in the sun. Kaylee’d like it.”

“An’ we’d have a ship with a kitchen full of food.”

River sighed. “Coconuts, almonds, and chestnuts. I say we keep the protein for breakfast. Most important meal. Provide enough energy to gather what we need for the rest of the day.”

Mal nodded, unwilling to let her go just yet. So he held tight for a minute, seeking comfort and safety when he should be the one to give it. He’d faced starvation before, and more than once as it happened, and it weren’t a thing he ever wanted to be faced with again.

“You won’t, Malcolm. You have me this time. I know things.” The dense forest finally gave way to a midnight sky and two moons that lit her cream skin with a silver glow, and she beamed a smile at him like there weren’t nothing to worry about.

She spun on her heel, walking backwards down the beach, his hand in hers as he willingly followed where she lead. He tried hard not to look below her neck, but looked anyway. Good damn thing he weren’t no boy that the sight of a pair of titties got him hard, and it was that moment he realised just how stupid it was to think she needed a boy her age.

That damned woman would eat a 19 year old boy for a snack, let alone rutting breakfast. She’d point and rutting _laugh_ at a 19 year old.

Her head to one side, and he knew she caught those thoughts of his. He grinned shamelessly. “Will start with the realignment of your Anterior Talofibular ligament. You’ll need it for when you run away.”

“ _Me_?” Mal snorted out a scoff as he continued to let himself be lead about by the nose. “Think you got the wrong man, darlin’. I don’t run.” The fine grains of sand were cool now, and slid between his toes to make the bandage itch and grate. He wanted the damned thing off to no end.

Her laughter was like raw honey, he thought vaguely, in its pure and untreated state right from the hive. Or like what was to be had from honeysuckle flowers, and it was all kindsa worrisome with all that sweetness just poured out of her glistening lips. Weren’t only the laughter, neither. It was the expression on her face, and it made him more than a mite tetchy.

Cold water put a stop to his thoughts, and Mal almost jumped at the rush of white foam that cooled his hot feet and put paid to the swelling that ached. Looked out over the dark water as though it could answer all of his questions about her, about what she was, whether or not there was any true meaning to anything he did.

“Sit, sit, Malcolm.” River patted the sand next to her, legs once again stretched out in the way they had been earlier, the way that made her shins look back to front. The way her pretty lil self stayed hidden by a shaped vee and patch of chestnut curlies.

Titties might not wholly get his blood going south, but a good pair of legs and a hint of cunny was a different story altogether. He’d never been one for size or some other such _go-shi_ , but shape and proportion. Liked things neat and sweet. Didn’t bother to look away, and her eyes glinted because of it.

“So. How do we fix my ligament? An’ please say it gets this bandage off. Thing’s startin’ to itch somethin’ fierce.” Mal laid folded arms across bended knees and arched a brow at the chilled night air brought those bee sting nipples out in force. All taut and probably sensitive to where the slightest contact would get her hips working good and proper.

“It does.” Bare toes wiggled as she bent her knees, feet flat on the sand as the cold water quietly rushed in.

“Well, then. Get to it.” While the pain had gone down a fair amount on account of her tender care, it was still more than a touch higher than what he’d prefer. She’d already done so much to keep them going, and he’d like a shot at it his own self. Do right by her much as a man like him could.

Sand chaffed under her round ass as River spun to face him, her whole face lit with a mighty arousing mix of coy coquette and sultry minx. Flicked his gaze from pussy to pout, scoped her out to see his chances, and received an arched eyebrow for his trouble.

Little hands patted the thighs now in a whole new position, and Mal leaned back on forearms and elbows, his injured foot an inch or two from her pretty lil self and toes on her navel. He gestured with his chin. “It ain’t gonna get itself off.”

The gauze had stopped being white not a few hours after she strapped it on him, and now the filth on it mirrored his thoughts. All speckled with dirt and sand and debris, like sweat on sticky skin and tangled hair. She calmly unravelled the bandage, going as quick and gentle as possible, her gaze met his once or twice just to check, but he was fine.

There was plenty of swelling to be had, Mal noticed with a grimace, particularly down the outside of his foot and towards his pinky. Wouldn’t surprise him none to discover there was indeed a fracture in there. Lord knew his bones weren’t what they used to be.

River gave it a rinse in the ocean and rolled it back up, ready to be replaced. “You’re _so_ melodramatic.”

“I’m melodramatic? Me?” The ridiculousness of that pushed a loud bark of laughter out of his throat.

“Your bones are fine. A man is as old as he’s feeling, and a woman as old as she looks.” Deceptively little hands were held in seawater before she placed them gentle-like around his ankle.

The icy cold was about as soothing as it got, with those delicate fingers curled just so around the hot swelling, thumbs secure in the centre of his sole. She had a lovely touch, he thought, firm and strong. Confident, even.

“Have to be in order to hold a _Cambre Press_.”

It began as a tug inside his ankle, one that pulsed a sharp shot of lightning up to the back of his knee, and he involuntarily tensed and swore.

“Still need more rest.” River didn’t take her gaze off his foot.

Mal shook his head. “Just keep goin’. It ain’t all bad. Had worse.”

“No?” Salted caramel eyes twinkled with reflected moonlight. “Then it won’t hurt if I do this…”

“ _Sonofabitch!_ ” He didn’t know what she did, but it sure as hell got her point across, and his body unconsciously snatched his ankle away from the thing torturing him a light prod. He glared at her as he protected himself from her meanness. “Now _that_ was unnecessary. No call to make a man suffer.”

River simply laughed as she placed the bandage back into the ocean for a good soak. “You’ve never had a sprain before, have you? Shot, stabbed, beaten, tortured, bound, and gagged, but not an ankle sprain.”

“An’ I suppose you have.” Sue him if he saw a little justice in that.

“Three. It’s soft tissue in an important weight bearing joint. Knees, ankles, and hips. Have to keep them strong. Flexible. Different terrain of ups and downs, different speeds from fast to slow. Need to keep them right.”

He snorted and cast suspicion over her before he returned his foot to her lap. Despite the increasing chill in the air, her cold hands were nothing short of heaven on him, even as she straightened his foot a little more before she replaced the support. “You gonna get to this stretchin’ of yours? Gettin’ a mite cold is all, and we got things to get done tomorrow.”

That gaze flicked down his body. “You’ll be aroused.”

“Gonna give me a show, little one?” Mal relaxed back on forearms and elbows as he regarded her careful, gauged her reaction, and waited to see in what form her consent would be given. She was hyping him up. He knew that much, though he weren’t sure what that hype was for to be honest.

After all, he’d seen her dance plenty before down in the cargo bay, so how bad could this yoga be?


	4. Day 4...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just another day in the island life of Mal and River.

 

Title: Mathematically Impossible 4

Author: Me.

Disclaimer: I own zippadeedoodah.

Author notes: I'm not happy with this chapter, but since I'm way behind on postage, I wanted it up. There will be edits no doubt, but hey ho! A huge, huge thank you to Brnt0fferings and Gonigal for their comments, and to Silvergreymonkey, Auskitty, Darkess93, Lampadooza-Tightboots, Wolf37, and the four guests who left me kudos. I hope the rest of this story doesn't disappoint, and if it does, know that a rather hilarious 'verse take on You've Got Mail is in the works. Yes, Mal and River will be cortexting across the ship.  
  
Xxxx

 

_Day 4…_

 

It was still dark when Mal woke, the chilled air breezed into the hut from and he yawned from it. A bleary eyed glance outside said it was pre-dawn or near enough, not quite light enough to do much of anything bar lay back down for another couple of hours.

Tired fingers rubbed the bridge of his sunburnt nose, and tried his damndest to get a bit more comfortable without waking River, who was still out cold. Tried to ignore the hunger, too, but it wouldn’t be possible for much longer, and they would both need to indulge in a good portion of protein.

Yes, they’d come across chestnuts, almonds, and coconuts, but the problem with those were his gorram ankle. He knew about pain far better than most, having been on the business end of all manner of injuries, yet it took a rutting sprain to put him on his knees.

Speaking of…

He flexed his left ankle careful-like first up and down, then side to side, body braced for the unholy pain of a pulled ligament, only to be surprised at just how little there was. Well, in comparison to the last few days, his ankle felt right as rain.

“I’ll be damned,” his lips flicked into a lopsided smile. “Could be there’s somethin’ to this restin’ after all.”

Another day or so, and he’d be able to pull his fair share instead of having to always rely on his lil witch, and that meant climbing the damned trees.

The very thought of her having to climb even one of those ten feet tall trees was more than enough to give him a coronary, yet it had to be done if they were to survive. Plus, it weren’t like she didn’t have the ability or anything, logically he knew that, but it simply didn’t sit well with him that she would have to do such a thing. Was his job to do right by her, to look after her, and yes, he was fully aware of how ridiculous a notion that was given she could take down Reavers for hell’s sake.

What he hadn’t known was just how much effort it took for her to _have_ the ability to take down Reavers, and he knew the yoga thing wasn’t even half of what River did to maintain her physique. There wasn’t an ounce of excess fat on her, so her entire body was basically muscle. Pure, lean muscle built up over years of solid hard work and the passion it took to achieve her goals by the same age he’d been when he’d first jacked it in his room.

Mal grunted out a chuckle as he remembered _that_ , and thanked the rutting stars River hadn’t been around back then. His teenage self saw her doing that yoga? He’d have been blind by the time he made it to his sixteenth birthday.

Hell, he’d ended up behind a goddamn bush last night under the guise of needing to piss, and if that wasn’t as humiliating as it got, she’d had this knowing little smile on her face when he returned to camp. Just to finish off, the damned witch shot him the cheekiest lil wink over her shoulder right before she went to sleep, leaving him no less than three inches away from her sweet lil rear.

The very same sweet, naked lil rear he’d seen in all manner of ways befitting a soft core porn show. Not that he was complaining, of course. Long journeys in the black didn’t stand to be dull for him no more.

He rolled onto his side simply to look down at his sleeping witch, not able to see much of her in the near pitch black, but then he didn’t need to. Already knew what she looked like with all that cream flesh tinted a pretty bronze, those sweet nipples tanned and perked right on up.

True, River had always been a beauty and then some, but seeing her here...

Mal slipped the hair away to expose her neck. She shifted and sighed in response, pushing up a little against his mouth, shoulder shrugged to dislodge the ticklish thing annoying her. He grinned and decided to push his luck in snagging a few small strands of salted hair and slowly, irritatingly, swirled them around the curve of her right nostril.

“You think you’re funny, but you’re not.” River snatched her hair out of his fingers, her body twisted and turned and inched against his, all soft girl parts and lil titties.

Eyelashes started to flutter shut against his chest and no. Not a chance was he gonna let her ignore him. If he was awake, then so would she be. “Oh, but I am.”

“Go away.”

Mal rubbed his mouth into a straight line. Buddha, but she was adorable when she got tetchy first thing. Wondered if she would even stomp her foot. “Can’t. Small island an’ all.”

A groan sounded out. “I thought it was just a bad dream.”

“Sad to say not. We’re still stranded.”

“Yay.”

He grunted out a half laugh and stopped being a pest. At least for now. “Wonder if the crew knows we’re even missin’.”

River’s hand pushed down on his right shoulder until he lay back down, sighing as he held up the invitation of his left arm. “I lay ten silver they’re up to no good.”

“While the cat’s away.” Mal sighed, picturing the ruckus on his boat without him there to put an end to it.

“Jayne could be stealing your bunk as we speak.”

His lips curled into a slow smile as he threatened her ribcage with his forefinger, felt her tense in case he ended their truce. Not that he would. He was a bastard, but not so much he’d jab his finger into that spot first thing.

Still, she heard to learn that saying another man’s name while in his bed just couldn’t go ignored. Gave her one warning before he went after her ribs with two fingers. “Jayne ain’t the name you should be speakin’ when you’re sleepin’ with me.”

“We’re not sleeping.”

Mal placed his fingers just below that spot and tap-tapped out how close she was to getting woken up in the worst possible way. “Close enough, darl… Hey!” A sudden, sharp pain jolted from his nipple to his goddamned ears. “Ain’t no call for that!”

“Oh, but there is.” Her giggle was simply downright unsettling. “Remove the fingers, Malcolm.”

Mal scowled as he rubbed his sore nipples. Girl was just plain mean. “An’ here I had notion to take you to the Preacher’s bunk.”

Those plush lips flickered on his skin. “You also saw unicorns.”

“You’ve a point in that, I just ain’t sure what it is.”

“My point is you’ve got issues.”

“Issue, darlin’. I got an _issue_. Singular.”

“Look at you all smart.”

“What is it with you Tams and back-handed compliments?” He shook his head and sighed, replaced his offensive with tactics more inclined to coax her a lil closer. It was always a bigger ego boost when the ladies came onto him.

“So you know. I rolled my eyes so far, I caught sight of my missing amygdala.” River felt all kinds of nice tuck up nice and warm and soft, squirming about here and there, tugging the chute up to spread across the both of them.

“Comfy?” She should be given that he was now her personal pillow and mattress, one draped clear across his body, knee on his stomach. The only thing left was for her to do was fluff his chest.

One warm cheek puffed up from a smile, her prodding little fingers did that very thing. “I’ll make do.”

“Glad to hear it.” Mal levelled the top of her head with his mightiest glare. “You Core girls.”

“We do like our creature comforts…”

_“Creature?”_

“Ssh, ssh. Go back to sleep. It’s still early.”

His deep huff raised his chest, ruffled feathers smoothed by delicate lil fingers whispering across his jaw as he wondered how he had forgotten what it was like to lay with a woman. Not fuck or rut or do anything bar just curl up and simply enjoy the unique warmth only a naked woman could give. Sure, there weren’t much choice to be had in their situation, but he figured being here was simply speeding up the process.

“And with less nosey neighbours.”

“Ain’t that the truth. S’nice.” He murmured, eyes closing and skin prickling just nice from lil digits whispering over his chest.

“Ssh, Malcolm. Get some rest.”

The last thing he felt was the dry, warm pressure of plush lips popping a kiss to the corner of his mouth. Tried to give one back, but he was out cold.

Xxxx

It was funny, Mal thought, how everybody made a thing about a difference a day could make, but nobody said a peep about the difference two hours could make.

His case in point was the fact that two hours ago, he’d woke up in a man’s wet dream with toasty warm dance sprawled, naked, right across his body. Her pretty teardrop tits squished to his chest, and a handful of chute bunched tight against her ass.

Now, however, he was watching that very same ass bounce up a twelve feet tall tree. Each step, each inch, brought with it a jolt that threatened to stop his goddamned heart as he waited at the bottom like a useless wretch of a man unable to do more than hope she didn’t fall.

“Stop it, Malcolm.”

Mal swore and tried with everything in him not to think or picture anything of the like. Pressed his knuckles hard against his mouth as she climbed another foot higher, her legs and arms clinging to the palm tree for dear goddamned life.

“Stopit, stopit, stopit…” She whimpered.

_Christ._

“Come down now, River. I need you come down.” Shit, shit. He could hear his own damned blood in his ears, and he wasn’t the one up there.

“Malcolm, stop being goddamned _pussy_.”

He saw her head tilt down towards him, and though he rutting knew he was the one feeding the fright in her, he simply could not turn away and leave her to do this alone. He wouldn’t.

He closed his eyes and forced himself to take several deep, even breaths. In through his nose, out through his mouth. Reached the count of ten, and went backwards to one. Nope. Still no better, and he swore blind he was not going to let her do this ever again.

“Got one. Look out beloooowww…”

 _“Go shi!”_ Mal jumped out of his goddamned skin when a coconut husk zoomed down to hit the ground with a solid thud. “We can survive on one. Get your _pi-gu_ down here now, Witch.”

“Look out beloooowww…”

“You don’t have to keep yellin’ that.” Christ, but this was probably the single most nerve wracking moment of his damned life.

“More people die from falling coconuts than are killed by cows. Look out beloooowww…”

“An’ more folk die from fallin’ out of trees twelve feet high!” He snapped right back, angry at the whole damned thing. “An’ cows? Cows kill people?”

“Folk tip the cow, and don’t see the bull. Look out beloooowww…”

“Okay, that’s four. Four is plenty. We got horse chestnuts and almonds. You can come down now. I ain’t askin’ this time, River.”

“One more. I can reach it.”

“Fuck.” Mal covered his eyes and turned away from the sight of her reaching out for one last coconut, only to miss by millimeters. That should be him up there, not her. He was physically stronger, taller, and it was his damned job to do right by her.

“One, two, three… Got it. Look out beloooowww…”

A scraping sound had him spinning on his heel just in time to see her slip a foot or so, a screech told that it had been enough to give her quite a good little scare. “Yeah, now. I ruttin’ mean it. I want you back on this damned ground.”

River’s head bobbed and he watched, stone cold, as she began a slow and steady climb down, only to stop when his shirt snagged on the bark. Her cuss was far more telling than any scream, and he could see the focus and intent on her face as she transferred her weight onto the balls of her feet. She so very carefully raised her arm just enough to free the fabric, and resumed her descent.

Mal wanted to ask if she was okay, but didn’t dare disrupt her concentration, and so was left to stand there, unable to do more than fucking watch as she risked her life so they could eat.

Six more feet, five, four, three…

He moved to the base, only remembering to breathe once he got his hands around her trim waist, holding her steady while her knees buckled from the insane rush of adrenalin. She grabbed onto him just as tight, heart bouncing against her ribcage, and face shoved into his chest. “You did good, darlin’.”

“I haven’t done that since I was 13!” River pulled back, bright eyed and bushy tailed, her expression exhilarated.

“An’ you ain’t gonna do it again, neither.” He wiped a hand down over his mouth. It was a lie and they both knew it. “Least not today as it stands. Let’s get these back to camp, then we go look at the shuttle. See if we can’t do anything with the electronics.”

She shook her head. “Disagree. I’d rather get enough food now to see us over a couple of days. Get it over and done with.”

“No.”

“It’ll be better for me.”

“It won’t be better for me.”

“It never will!” River stared up at him, immoveable on her stance. “I’d rather do it now. I need you to eat, to keep up your strength.”

“An’ I need you to not go splat!”

“Then stop tempting fate, Malcolm. Trust that I know what I’m doing.”

Mal blew a breath to the sky and tried to find some sort of solace in the fact that it was her decision, but found none whatsoever. She fell? That would be it entirely.  
  
He took a moment to gather his thoughts before he looked her square in the eye. “You do this, lookin’ at the shuttle waits. I ain’t havin’ otherwise.”

“Agreed.” She smiled, almost giddy. “I’m so glad you never saw my freestyle gymnastics routine.”

His brows knitted together. “Gymnastics? Ain’t you a dancer?”

River’s slender shoulders shrugged. “Ballet, gymnastics. Were I still on Osiris, I’d be on ice by now. Clicking ankles and knobbly toes would have stopped my career as a principle dancer with the OCB. I’d show you some gymnastics, but I refuse to perform a double punch back without a bra. Bouncing is an issue.”

Laughter came out on a choked snort as he tried to picture her boobs bouncing around during a bout of gymnastics. He’d pay to see that. “An’ you feel up to monkeyin’ about?”

Brown eyes blinked once, twice, her expression flat as she simply turned, leaving him to limp after her as she aimed for a thankfully shorter tree not too far away. She was six feet up before it registered in his brain, and Mal stared, mouth open, while she again bunny hopped up a goddamned tree.

Only three were to be had from this one, and another four from the third, then she was clearly out of breath, and hands rubbed her hips. She was also mighty pleased with her own self, looking at him with all manner of shiny on her pretty face.

“No more, River.” Mal rubbed his chest free of the sharp ache right where his heart lay.

She nodded. “Agreed. We have an hour before the sun hits peak. Quick bathe, and back to the hut before the crew have to scoop us up into bags.”

“Good plan.” He paused for thought, head cocked to one side as she bent over to retrieve the bounty. Grinned as his hand collided with that juicy lil behind and laughed when her mouth dropped wide open in shock. “Then what?”

She scowled. “We play I-Spy.”

The implication of being relegated to the sofa enough to make him snort back a bark of unbridled laughter. “You know fine well why that ain’t happenin’.”

“Sore loser, Malcolm?”

“Ha! You think.” He scoffed, gaze focused solely on that lil rear, the rich colour rather fetching against the tiny pink handprint square on her left buttock. She had a quite a peachy lil thing, didn’t she?

A man could happily take a bite right out of it.

River paused to glare at him. “Bite my ass, Malcolm Reynolds. _I dare you_.”

“You darin’ me, darlin?” Mal sauntered to where he moved her backwards, put on his best grin, read the reader’s little squeak. Yeah, she weren’t so tough, he thought, and popped a soft peck of a kiss right to her nose, doffed her chin. “Challenge accepted. Now, bath and bunk.”

Xxxx

She spun and dashed back into the shallows, feet kicking the white foam as she chased the waves, then ran as they chased her right on back. She was well aware of his gaze as he tracked her every move, and so what if she liked his attention. He liked hers just as much.

River stared out at the horizon for a moment, committing to memory the sight of all that blue, and gods, but it was glorious here. Shiny hot sun in the sky and blissfully ice cold ocean to lounge in combined with a luscious white sand beach made for one truly delicious slice of heaven. If only they had a good supply of food and hygiene products, maybe a rubber ring or a floaty even.

She paused, and almost wept at the thought of a surfboard.

Paused again at the thought of Mal on a surfboard, complete with Speedos, and covered her mouth to muffle the laughter. She was so buying him a pair and he would never know why.

“I can hear you thinkin’.” He hollered from his place on the second chute, and she took a moment to simply look at him, all lean and slender, strong without bulk. Deeply bronzed skin offset by the natural highlights made by the sun, and the first thing that popped into her head was oil.

The older coconuts came with natural oil that couldn’t be drank, but it sure as hell had other uses. Such as being massaged into him from tip to toe, and she would do just that.

Lay him flat on this very beach after the sun set, and start at his legs, moving up to his back and those shoulders, then turn him over to start on his chest. He would enjoy it, she knew that. Deserved it, too. Liked taking care of him as much as he took care of her.

“What am I thinking?” River grinned and walked the few feet to where he lounged, carefree having finally eaten something they didn’t have to ration. Made sure to wring her hair away from him, bent over just that little too much, grinned when his gaze raked over the wet place between her thighs.

Mal cracked a smirk. “Somethin’ involvin’ me most like.”

Popped her joints before she dropped down on his lap, shivering, back to the sun so it could dry her hair, and sighed when the heat poured over her chilled skin. His chest just as hot, just as smooth, smelled entirely of raw forest and fresh fruit, pushed her nose into his throat and heard him groan. “So warm.”

“An’ you’re a block of _ice_.” Felt him grab and fold a corner of the chute, dragging it from nape to ass, a rapid rub down that pulled snug the chute around her ass. Laughed as he tugged from either side.

“Something nice. Always take care of me, Malcolm.” Traced the crinkles around his eyes and mouth, smiled when they did, breath hitched when bare skin became a thing.

“Not as I should be.”

There went the machismo again. “You’re injured. How is your foot?” River curled her arms his neck, and warm. So very, very warm, and she shivered, lips brushed his and teeth stole a nip.

Mal flexed his ankle. “Better mostly. Should be able to take that damned bandage off by tomorrow. An’ not before time. Ain’t one for feelin’ like a useless wretch.”

“Not a useless wretch. A man. Alpha Male.”  
  
“Where I’m from, men take care of their women.”

“And where I’m from, men know better than to argue with an Alpha Female.”

He scoffed at that. “They also remove amygdalas.”

“Amygdalae. Plural.”

“I’ll keep that in _mind_. See what I did there?”

River scrunched her face up in mild disgust. “Unfortunately, yes.”

“I thought it was funny.” Petulance came in the form of a feigned sulk. “So tell me more about my bein’ an alpha male. It mean I’m manly?”

“Annnnddd…” Clacked her tongue off her teeth. “You’re petty and petulant, arrogant, can’t be told, ornery, hard headed…”

His scowl was downright mighty. “You’ve a powerful need to stay on this here fine planet?”

“...And soft hearted. Tender. Protective. Sensual. Manly and masculine and guns. Working men. Good lovers. Do what’s necessary to ensure the survival of your pride.”

“That’s more like it.” Mal nodded his approval, then suspicion clouded his brain. “Lovers? Singular, Witch. Love- _err_.”

“But my other man won’t take to that too kind. He’d have a notion to shoot you dead. He’s a pirate. Has a gun and _everything_.” River widened her eyes far as they would go.

“Sounds like a dangerous man to know. Best we not get caught.” Oh, he knew her game, and played along simply to fish for compliments.

“He’s the worst.”

“The worst?”

“Well, he’s alright.”


End file.
